Yeah, so I wrote a game review a while back..read or something.

The Update

Since my last post I moved to North Carolina because my boyfriend got a job at a hospital as an EKG Tech.

And I still don’t have a job.

I have been continuously applying for jobs and have even moved into the part-time category. 

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I had my first interview since my job search began last March at a doctor’s office. It’s part-time, data entry at $10 an hour.

The Interview

I walk into the place expecting to have a normal, really formal interview that is awkward and full of boasting and lies. I sit in the waiting room reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and I see girl after girl, career woman after career woman come pouring into the office, and that’s when the sweating begins. I start to freak the shit out because there are about 30 women crammed into this room competing against me for this part-time job. All of them have briefcases and leather folders filled with important documents and I’m sitting there with an army green messenger bag and a Harry Potter book.

I fucking suck.

The doctor enters the room at the height of my flop sweat attack and he’s a completely goofy, laid back Jewish guy. He says he’s looking for someone who will stay with the company and “has a light on upstairs.” My attitude change is nearly immediate, “I’m going to walk into the fucking office and own this interview.” My name is called, I’m fifth on the list and I’m praying no one tries to shake my hand because it feels like I just took a hot piss on it. The doctor sits at his desk with a woman next him and he explodes into a gush of compliments, “I gotta tell ya kid, we love your resume.”

SCORE!!  

I knew the graphic I added was the right way to go. He asks why someone so extensively trained in writing wants the job he’s offering and I coolly reply, “Freelance doesn’t pay the bills, I need a steady paycheck because I’ve got student loans to pay off.” He laughs and bellows “good answer.” He continues to inquire about my writing and asks if this is the right position for me. I am again cool as fucking ice in my reply. “This job would give me a chance to work with a computer all day and give me free time to to put out some freelance writing. It’s perfect.”

I’m so in the fucking zone.

The doctor makes an attempt at a curve ball, “What if we want you to work here for 20 years?” I knew the curve ball was coming, he doesn’t know that I eat curve balls for breakfast. I hit a home run with my Louisville Slugger of an answer, “20 years is perfect, that’s plenty of time for me to put out a novel in my spare time.” He has one final question up his sleeve, “Does the job pay enough?” I’ve got more ammo than he expects and I reply “$10 is more than enough. When I got the email for this interview I immediately worked up a budget to make sure it was enough and it’s perfect. And with freelance on the side, that’s just extra money in my pocket.” They loved it. They laughed, I laughed; it couldn’t have gone better than if I were interviewing myself.

I stand to leave, the doctor says with a laugh and smile “You did good kid, you did really good. Well give you a call by Monday.” I smile my fucking award ass winning smile and exchange goodbyes and walk out of that place with a psycho murderer adrenaline rush.

The Wait

I will now have my phone glued to my hand for the rest of the week waiting on the doctor to call. The only bad thing about the call is that it’s for another interview so I have to go buy new clothes (I only have one interview outfit and I literally bought that the day before the interview). I don’t think zombie t-shirts are appropriate. I kind of hope every one of the 30 other women who showed up pooped their pants or started their periods during their interviews but that’s kind of fucking mean. 

This post is long as shit.

No job.

But I painted my mom’s house.

I have been applying to jobs NON-STOP and have received zero, count ‘em, ZERO job offers.

Currently I am disregarding my job qualifications and applying for data entry, administrative assistant, and customer service jobs.

I hate looking for jobs, I hate it a lot.

I got a call today from an insurance company that has been flooding my spam folder with emails for 2 months. They told me that they saw my resume on Monster and that my qualifications match what they are looking for and they would like me to work for them as an insurance salesman. 

  Really, my qualifications match what you are looking for? So the fact that I have no sales experience whatsoever and my resume says that I am seeking a writing or editing job is completely fine and matches your qualifications?!

I told them that I did not get a college degree in creative writing in order to sell insurance in Columbus, Ohio. The woman who called was also barely understandable; she sounded like she was on a cell phone and she had horrible broken English that may have been understandable if she hadn’t been on a CELL PHONE!

I went to bed at 10:30PM last night and I woke up at 3:49PM today. 

18 hours of sleep. 

I am taking a break from job applications because I have literally applied to everything I am qualified for on Monster in the US and UK.

I’m not even getting “thanks but no thanks” letters at this point.

My boyfriend got an interview for a place in Arizona, so now I am focusing my search there and have currently applied to be the “content editor/designer” for the Yuma Sun newspaper.

P.S.

The average temperature on a summer day in Yuma is 107 degrees.

I have currently applied for so many jobs that I can’t even remember all of them.

Here are three of the most recent ones I’ve applied to:

• Report Writer for The Academy System out of Pittsburgh
• Editorial Assistant for Wellesley Information Services out of Dedham, MA
• Editorial Assistant for University of California San Diego 

I’m on an application spree! I also got a the 100% complete achievement for Lego Batman on Xbox Live! 

I applied for a job at American Greetings.

You should all prepare yourselves for some amazing greeting cards if I get hired.

Like this one that I made for my brother:

I should start a line of meme cards…they would sell like hotcakes!